My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me – What To Do?

Marriage is frequently viewed as a partnership founded on love, trust, and mutual respect.

However, when one partner consistently starts fights and then shifts blame onto the other, it can create a toxic dynamic that erodes the foundation of the relationship

This behavior can lead to frustration, confusion, and hurt, leaving the other spouse wondering how to address the issue and restore harmony. 

This article delves into the complexities of the question: my husband starts fights and then blames me. So, read this article to the end to avoid missing any information.

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me – 10 Things To Do

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

Addressing a spouse who initiates arguments and deflects blame requires patience, empathy, and proactive communication. 

Here are ten constructive steps to navigate this challenging situation and foster a healthier married life.

Read Also: My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

1. Communicate Calmly And Assertively

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

Effective communication is vital in addressing any relationship issue. Approach discussions with your spouse calmly and respectfully, avoiding accusations or aggression. 

Use “I” statements to express your feelings and concerns without placing blame. 

Assertively communicate your boundaries and needs, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect in resolving conflicts. 

By fostering open and honest communication, you create a safe space for both partners to express themselves and work towards resolution.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is essential in managing conflict and maintaining a healthy relationship. 

Communicate what behaviors are unacceptable and the consequences of crossing those boundaries. Consistently uphold these boundaries and enforce consequences when necessary. 

Setting boundaries reinforces mutual respect and ensures both partners feel valued and heard. 

Additionally, boundaries provide a framework for navigating disagreements and help prevent escalation into destructive behavior patterns.

3. Seek Professional Counseling

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

Sometimes, addressing complex issues within a marriage requires the assistance of a trained professional. 

Consider seeking couples therapy or individual counseling to gain insights into underlying dynamics and develop effective communication and conflict resolution skills. 

A therapist can provide a neutral space for both partners to express themselves and facilitate productive dialogue. 

Through counseling, couples can explore underlying issues, learn healthier coping mechanisms, and work towards rebuilding trust and intimacy in the relationship.

4. Practice Empathy And Understanding

Cultivating empathy and understanding your spouse’s perspective is essential in resolving conflicts and fostering emotional connection. 

Try to put yourself in their shoes and consider the underlying emotions driving their behavior. 

Empathizing with their experiences and struggles creates a foundation of compassion and mutual support. 

Validate your spouse’s feelings and experiences, even if you disagree with their actions. 

Through empathy and understanding, you can bridge the gap between differing perspectives and strengthen your emotional bond.

5. Avoid Engaging In A Blame Game

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

Blaming each other only escalates conflicts and undermines trust and intimacy in the relationship. 

Instead of focusing on assigning fault, prioritize finding solutions and working together as a team. 

Acknowledge your contributions to the conflict and take responsibility for your actions. 

Refraining from blame creates a more conducive environment for open communication and problem-solving.

6. Take Care of Yourself Emotionally

Dealing with a spouse who starts fights and shifts blame can affect your emotional well-being. 

Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to process your feelings and gain perspective. 

By nurturing your emotional health, you become better equipped to handle conflicts and maintain balance in the relationship.

7. Consider The Root Causes of Their Behavior

Understanding the underlying motivations behind your spouse’s behavior is crucial in addressing the issue effectively. 

Reflect on potential triggers or past experiences that may be influencing their actions. Encourage open dialogue to explore their thoughts and feelings without judgment. 

By uncovering the root causes, you can work together to address underlying issues and foster healing and growth in the relationship.

8. Encourage Accountability

Hold your spouse accountable for their actions while offering support and encouragement in their journey towards positive change. 

Establish clear expectations for behavior and follow through with consequences when necessary. 

Holding each other accountable creates a sense of mutual responsibility and commitment to growth and improvement in the relationship.

9. Establish Consequences For Repeated Behavior

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

Consistently reinforcing boundaries and consequences is essential in addressing problematic behavior patterns. 

Communicate the consequences of continued conflict and blame-shifting, and be prepared to follow through if necessary. 

Consequences should be reasonable and proportionate to the behavior, serving as a deterrent to future misconduct. 

By establishing consequences, you assert your commitment to maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship dynamic.

10. Consider Options If Necessary

My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me

Assess the relationship’s overall health and consider whether it’s worth investing in efforts to address the issue. 

Reflect on whether both partners will commit to change and work towards resolution. 

If the behavior persists despite efforts to address it, consider seeking individual therapy or exploring other options, such as separation or divorce, for the sake of your emotional well-being and personal growth. 

Ultimately, prioritize your happiness and fulfillment when deciding your relationship’s best action.

Read Also: My Husband Turns Everything Around On Me

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Why does my spouse start fights and then blame me?

There could be various underlying reasons, such as unresolved issues, insecurities, or a need for control. Understanding these motivations can help address the behavior effectively.

Is it normal for couples to argue?

Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but consistent patterns of instigating fights and shifting blame may indicate more profound issues that must be addressed.

How can I prevent myself from being drawn into arguments?

Setting boundaries, practicing self-awareness, and focusing on constructive communication can help prevent escalation and defuse tense situations.

Can a relationship survive this behavior?

It depends on both partners’ willingness to address the issue, communicate openly, and work towards resolution. Professional guidance and commitment to change can facilitate healing and growth.


That was all about the topic: my husband starts fights and then blames me. Guiding a marriage where one partner consistently starts fights and deflects blame is undoubtedly challenging. 

However, addressing the underlying issues and rebuilding a healthier relationship is possible.

You need to employ effective communication strategies, set boundaries, seek professional help, and foster empathy and understanding. 

Remember, both partners play a role in shaping the dynamic, and with commitment and effort, it’s possible to overcome obstacles and create a stronger, more harmonious bond. 

With patience, compassion, and perseverance, couples can navigate through conflicts and emerge with a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other.

Emily J
Emily J.
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Emily J. is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a deep commitment to helping couples cultivate love and harmony in their relationships. She offers insightful advice and strategies for building a strong and resilient marriage in the Blissful Marriage section.

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